# 17.幼兒園的苦難 [TOC=3,5] ## 17 Daycare misery ## 幼兒園的苦難 ### 17.1 Benefits of daycare ### 幼兒園的益處 For many parents daycare is unavoidable. Daycare facilities keep improving. They use better science and better practices. They keep learning. Therefore, I do not want anyone to feel bad about my text. Things get better. But I agree with pre-Trump version of Mike Pence: **Kids in daycare get a short end of the stick**. Even the best and most professional daycare won't effectively replace a good mother. It is very hard to find good information about the true effect of daycare because there is a whole industry who powers daycare and a whole army of moms who want to be free from child care. 對許多父母來說，幼兒園是不可避免的選擇。幼兒園設施日益完善。他們使用更好的科學方法，進行更好的實踐操作。隨著時代進步不斷學習新知。因此，我不希望任何人對我接下來所說的感到難過。畢竟幼兒園日益精進。而對于特朗普當選前版的 Mike Pence，我也表示同意：**幼兒園里的孩子們得到的待遇并不公正**。即使是最好、最專業的幼兒園機構也無法有效地取代一位好母親。很難說能找到可信的信息說明幼兒園真的有好的效果，畢竟這是一個龐大的產業，而且有一大批母親想從看護兒童中解放出來。 Excellent daycare employees swear by their methodology and benefits. They claim that kids still benefit. This often comes from contacts with parents whose knowledge and skills may not be up to the par of what can be provided by professionals. However, if you read this text and ponder your options, you are qualified enough: **keep your child with you!** 優秀的幼兒園教師堅信他們的教育方式和福利制度。那些知識和技能可能達不到專業水平的父母卻仍然聲稱他們的孩子從幼兒園所中受益良多。然而，如果你讀了這篇文章并仔細考慮了你的選擇，你就算得上一名合格的家長了：**最好與您的孩子在一起！** ### 17.2 Social pressure ### 社會壓力 There is a social pressure to send kids to daycare. Many a mom observes proudly the acceleration in development. A kid, that was mute or totally dependent, starts naming things, communicating, or putting on one's T-shirt. This is great for [mom's sense of guilt](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Moms_feel_guilty_about_daycare): "_Mummy goes to work to earn money for the baby. You go girl and learn!_". The same mom feels even better if it tells stay-at-home mom "_send your kids to kindergarten, this will do miracles to their social skill development, don't keep them just cooped up at home!_". 把孩子送到幼兒園所是社會壓力導致父母做出的選擇。許多母親自豪地發現孩子成長的加速。一個起初沉默或完全依賴別人的孩子，開始學會說名字，開始與他人交流，或者自己穿上t恤。這對母親從[自責感](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Moms_feel_guilty_about_daycare)中解脫有所幫助：「*媽媽上班掙錢給孩子。你去與其他女孩玩耍和學習！*」如果它告訴全職媽媽「*把孩子送去幼兒園，這會對他們的社交技能發展產生奇跡，不要把他們關在家里！*」，那么那些全職媽媽會更愿意將孩子們送進幼兒園。 ### 17.3 Problem of daycare ### 幼兒園的問題 Daycare is an artificially constructed environment that violates many conditions needed for unconstrained development. The main violations occur in the areas of stress and sleep. Those violations affect the brain and all parents should be aware that "_kindergarten acceleration_" is a dangerous myth. [Kids do accelerate into a groove of long-term stagnation](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Learning_acceleration_via_stress). Good news today may be bad news in a decade. Daycare has been [linked with an increase in aggressive behaviors and other behavioral problems](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Childcare_predicts_socioemotional_problems). This short text explains why. 幼兒園是一種人為營造的環境，它違反了自由發展所需要的許多條件。主要的侵犯發生在壓力和睡眠方面。這些違規行為會影響大腦，所有家長都應該意識到，「_幼兒園加速教育_」是一個錯誤觀念。[孩子確實會加速進入長期停滯的狀態](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Learning_acceleration_via_stress)。今天的好消息可能在十年后變成壞消息。[幼兒園導致攻擊性行為和其他行為問題的增加](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/childcare_predicts_socialemotional_problems)。下面這篇短文解釋了原因。 #### 17.3.1 Problem 1: Sleep hygiene #### 問題一：睡眠健康 **Most kids need to be woken up for daycare. This is a major violation of brain hygiene**. For kids who wake up naturally, there is no issue. Chronotherapy can help, but few parents know how to use it. The cheapest and obvious solution is a gentle waking prod from a parent. Being gentle is better than being abrupt, but it still has an awful impact on health and brain growth. The violation of waking kids up is most critical in the first 3 years of development. Sending kids sleepy to daycare begins a vicious spiral of negative health consequences. For an unlucky kid, those tend to pile up from month to month stunting growth and undermining long term outcomes. **大多數孩子需要被叫醒去幼兒園。這嚴重違反了大腦的睡眠健康**。對于那些自然醒的孩子來說，沒有什么問題。時間療法能有所幫助，但很少有家長知道如何使用它。最簡單、最明顯的解決辦法是父母溫柔地叫醒孩子。溫柔總比唐突好，但它對健康和大腦發育仍有可怕的影響。在孩子成長的頭 3 年里，讓他們睡眠充足是最關鍵的。把困倦的孩子送到幼兒園將開始對健康不利的惡性循環。對于一個不幸的孩子來說，這些問題往往一個月接一個月地堆積起來，阻礙成長，長期導致破壞性結果。 #### 17.3.2 Problem 2: Child stress #### 問題二：兒童壓力 **In most cases, daycare involves child stress. Chronic stress is a prime factor in stunting brain growth.** For a tiny kid, the first day in daycare is almost inevitably stressful. If the kid goes to daycare all smiles, this is usually not an issue either. The largest stress component is [maternal separation](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Behavioral_effects_of_maternal_separation_and_early_weaning). Research shows that it has a powerful impact on little brains. There is a host of procedures that can make sure that kids accept maternal separation as a norm. In the end, most kids do. However, the chief mechanism used in that procedure is [learned helplessness](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Learned_helplessness_vs._learn_drive). In short, when kids are left with no choice, they stop combating the status quo. It happens to all humans in conditions of limited freedom. **在大多數情況下，幼兒園會增加兒童的壓力。慢性壓力是阻礙大腦發育的主要因素。**對于一個小朋友來說，在幼兒園的第一天幾乎不可避免地會有壓力。如果孩子帶著微笑去幼兒園，這通常也不是問題。最大的壓力因素是[與母親分離](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/behavioral_effects_of_maternal_separation _and_early_weaning)。研究表明，它對小朋友的大腦有很大的影響。有許多做法可以確保孩子們接受與母親分離就像成為慣例。最終，大多數孩子都會這么做。然而，該過程中使用的主要機制是[習得性無助](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/learned_helpessness_vs._learn_drive)。簡而言之，當孩子們別無選擇時，他們就會停止與現狀作斗爭。所有人都會發生這件事情，當自己的自由受到限制。 #### 17.3.3 Vicious circle: positive feedback loop #### 惡性循環：正反饋循環 Sending kids out to daycare sleepy and stressed begins the vicious circle of health consequences: slower development, lower immunity, [infections](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Daycare_infections), antibiotics, missed days, more stress, more sleep deprivation, etc. That vicious circle may have societal dimensions. 把孩子們送去幼兒園，讓他們感到困倦和壓力，開始了健康后果的惡性循環：發育遲緩、免疫力下降、[感染](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/daycare_)、抗生素、缺勤、更多的壓力、更多的睡眠剝奪，等等。這種惡性循環可能具有社會層面的影響。 ### 17.4 Physiological acceleration ### 生理上的加速 Weaning is a natural process than may take 2-5 years. Many moms choose not to breastfeed. They do it at child's peril. Others wean early. Daycare may be used as an excuse for early weaning. This is one more reason to delay or avoid daycare. A child may seem to accept weaning. In many cases this will happen via [learned helplessness](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Learned_helplessness_vs._learn_drive). 斷奶是一個自然的過程，可能需要 2 - 5 年的時間。許多媽媽選擇不母乳喂養。他們這樣做是冒著一定的風險的。特別當看見別人早斷奶的時候。幼兒園可以作為早期斷奶的借口。這也是推遲或避免幼兒園的另一個原因。孩子似乎可以接受斷奶。在許多情況下，這將通過[習得性無助](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/learned_helpessness_vs._learn_drive)發生。 If the kid is still breastfed, it will use mom's breast as a form of anti-stress therapy. This is a natural biological need. If the kids needs breastfeeding, it should be granted. This is not an entitlement or pandering. This is a basic baby human right. While the kid is breastfed, the daycare should be out of the question. Even if the kid wakes up naturally, and loves daycare, it may still experience the stress of separation at feeding or nap time. 如果孩子仍然是母乳喂養，它將使用媽媽的乳房作為一種形式的抗壓力治療。這是一種自然的生理需要。如果孩子需要母乳喂養，就應該給予。這不是一種權利或迎合。這是嬰兒的一項基本人權。孩子是母乳喂養的，幼兒園是不可能提供的。即使孩子是自然醒的，喜歡幼兒園，但在喂食或午睡時間，他仍可能感受到與母親分離的壓力。 [Weaning in hunter-gatherer societies may happen at the age of 4](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Hunter-gatherer_childhood), often at next pregnancy. In those cultures, co-sleeping is a natural habit. Our culture forces early weaning and recommends just a meager 6 months of breastfeeding as the "necessary minimum". [Co-sleeping is considered "dangerous" and is actively eradicated by governmental agencies](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Risks_of_co-sleeping). Moms claim that weaning is a result of "_mutual consent_", while this should always be a unilateral decision. Moms who tried "natural weaning" report that breastfeeding easily lasts beyond 3 years, and is reduced only minimally in the absence of breast milk. This is the type of bonding that should never be interfered with! 在原始捕獵社會，[斷奶可能發生在 4 歲](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/hun-collecer_childhood)，通常是在母親下一次懷孕時。在這些文化中，母親與孩子同睡是一種自然的習慣。我們的文化迫使我們盡早斷奶，并建議只進行 6 個月的母乳喂養作為「必要的最低限度」。而與孩子同睡是不利的，[政府機構正在積極根除這種現象](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/risks_of_co%20-sleep)。媽媽們聲稱斷奶是「_雙方同意_」的結果，而這卻是一個單方面的決定。嘗試過「自然斷奶」的母親報告說，母乳喂養很容易持續超過 3 年，而且在沒有母乳的情況下，母乳喂養的減少幅度最小。這是一種永遠不應該被干涉的關系! In addition to **maternal separation**, social issues and **bullying**, kids may experience kindergarten stress simply due to their otherness. 除了**與母親分離**、社會問題和**欺凌**外，孩子們可能會因為他們的差異性而感受到幼兒園的壓力。 Imagine a 3 year old that refuses to **remove its diaper**. In some kindergartens it is a good reason to get the supervisor circle the kids around, make them point fingers, and collectively **ridicule the "offender"**. Some kids don't care. Others will feel awful. For some kids, self-esteem is a key factor in happiness. Ridicule is a big factor when it comes to hating kindergarten. 想象一下，一個 3 歲的孩子拒絕**脫掉尿布**。在一些幼兒園，讓主管把孩子們圍成一圈，讓他們指手畫腳，集體**嘲笑「冒犯者」**，這是一個很好的理由。有些孩子不在乎。其他人會感覺很糟糕。對一些孩子來說，自尊是幸福的關鍵因素。當談到討厭幼兒園時，被嘲笑是一個很大的因素。 A kid may have a habit of sucking a thumb before a nap. He may be self-aware enough to make it hard to nap at all. No thumb, no nap. In the presence of the primary caregiver, all those little habits do not matter. They are part of the routine. Home feels home. In a new setting, they can be a source of stress. 孩子可能有在午睡前吮拇指的習慣。他可能有足夠的自知之明，以至于根本無法小睡。沒有拇指，就沒有午睡。在主要照顧者面前，所有這些小習慣都無關緊要。他們是例行公事的一部分。回家的感覺。在一個新的環境中，它們可能是壓力的來源。 Parents can always take preventive action. Potty training would transfer kindergarten stress back to lesser home stress and make it possible to spread it over time. Thumb sucking can also be de-conditioned. 父母總是可以采取預防措施。如廁訓練可以將幼兒園的壓力轉移回較小的家庭壓力，并使其有可能隨著時間的推移而擴散。吮吸大拇指也可以放松。 The problem is that all those training procedures detract from natural development. All kids will stop breastfeeding at some point. They learn to use the toilet. They stop sucking thumbs. It all comes naturally. They do it of their own accord. Those skills do not need to be accelerated. 問題是所有這些訓練程序都有損于自然發展。所有的孩子都會在某個時候停止母乳喂養。他們學習自己上廁所。他們不再吮大拇指。一切都是自然而然的。他們是自愿做這件事的。這些技能不需要加快。 **Potty training is stressful** to both kids and parents. It is a stress that coincides and interferes with a vital physiological processes: urination and defecation. This type of conditioning is asking for trouble. For some kids, it will all go smoothly and fast. For others, it can leave a long-term mark. There is a very simple solution: wait until the kid is ready. If it takes 3 years, so be it. If you worry that diapers are environmental polluters, you can always use reusable diapers or even more eco-friendly solutions. 對孩子和父母來說，**如廁訓練都很有壓力**。它是一種壓力，與重要的生理過程（排尿和排便）同時發生并相互干擾。這種條件作用是自找麻煩。對一些孩子來說，一切都會順利而快速地進行。對其他人來說，這可能會留下一個長期的印記。有一個非常簡單的解決辦法：等到孩子準備好了。如果需要 3 年，那就這樣吧。如果你擔心尿布會污染環境，你可以使用可重復使用的尿布，甚至是更環保的解決方案。 Most of all, why waste time on potty training? The same time might be spent on reading a book, or whatever pursuit the kid enjoys. 最重要的是，為什么要把時間浪費在如廁訓練上？同樣的時間可以用來讀書，或者做孩子喜歡做的任何事情。 So many potty-training books, so many stressed kids and parents, so many time outs dished out, and so much time invested in a thing that will always come naturally and free. 有那么多關于上廁所的書，那么多壓力重重的孩子和家長，那么多的休息時間，那么多的時間投入到一件自然而又免費的事情上。 For all kids, **all form of "physiological acceleration" should be avoided** or approached with utmost caution. 對于所有的孩子來說，**所有形式的「過度加快生理進展」都應該避免**或極其謹慎地被對待。 ### 17.5 Daycare: The verdict ### 幼兒園：判決 Nearly all parents who send kids to daycare will look for excuses. [Kindergarten acceleration](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/How_baby_brain_does_not_work) is an illusion. The supposed benefits of infections are largely [a myth](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Daycare_infections). The benefits of socialization can be accomplished [differently and better](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Optimal_socialization). If reasonable home care can be provided, daycare should be avoided. 幾乎所有送孩子去幼兒園的父母都會找借口。[幼兒園加快成長](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/How_baby_brain_does_not_work)是一種幻覺。所謂感受到的益處在很大程度上是[錯誤的觀念](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/daycare_)。社會化的好處可以[以不同且更好的方式](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/optimal_社會化)實現。如果能提供合理的家庭護理，家長應避免幼兒園。 > **No daycare can ever compete with good parenting!** > > **沒有哪所幼兒園所能與良好的養育競爭！** ### 17.6 Feminist perspective ### 女權主義視角 During one of my child development conversations, a young mom politely but unhesitantly called me a "male chauvinist pig": "_with all your views on breastfeeding and co-sleeping, where is the room for a woman? If you care so much about the planet, imagine that I may work on saving the world at the tiny cost of inconveniencing my child? I cannot afford going to work brain dead, just because of some negligible benefit to child's health from co-sleeping_". 在我與孩子成長的一次談話中，一位年輕的母親禮貌而毫不猶豫地稱我為「大男子主義的蠢蛋」：「_你對母乳喂養和與人同睡有那么多看法，女人的空間在哪里？如果你這么關心這個星球，想象一下，我可以用給我的孩子帶來不便的小小代價來拯救這個世界嗎？我不能因為與孩子同睡對孩子的健康有一些微不足道的好處，就去做腦死亡的工作_」。 I totally agree that there is a trade-off. My sturdy attitude only comes from two factors: 1. my work in the field of memory tells me those health effects of co-sleeping or breastfeeding are huge, not just negligible, and 2. I see kids as carrying a compound interest. 我完全同意這是有代價的。我堅定的態度只有兩個原因： 1. 我在記憶領域的工作告訴我，共眠或母乳喂養對健康的影響是巨大的，而不僅僅是微不足道的 2. 我認為孩子們可以得到回報。 This is why I might be a bit unhappy with "mommy blog propaganda" extolling the relief from breastfeeding or child care or shunting the baby to a separate room so that to revive the sex life. 這就是為什么我可能會對「媽咪博客宣傳」有點不高興，它贊美母乳喂養或兒童護理的緩解，或者把嬰兒轉移到一個單獨的房間，以恢復性生活。 What a parent can accomplish today, the kid may accomplish better, by an order of magnitude, in a generation. The starting value of the capital is far beyond negligible. The balance after three decades can turn out astronomic. 如今父母所能做到的，孩子們在一代人的時間里可能會比現在做得好一個數量級。資本的初始價值遠遠不能忽略。三十年后的余額就會變成天文數字。 ### 17.7 Summary: Daycare misery ### 摘要：幼兒園的苦難 * daycare is an inferior substitute of good parenting * 幼兒園是良好教育的次等替代品 * in western societies, there is a social pressure to send kids to daycare * 在西方社會，把孩子送到幼兒園所是一種社會壓力 * to a large extent, social pressure originates in self-exculpatory mindset of young career-oriented parents * 社會壓力在很大程度上源于年輕的事業型父母自我辯解的心態 * peer pressure in favor of daycare is based on a series of myths about the biology of child development * 支持幼兒園的同輩壓力是基于一系列關于兒童生長發育學的錯誤觀念 * daycare acceleration is often a short-term phenomenon with poorer long-term outcomes * 幼兒園加速通常是短期現象，長期效果較差 * daycare acceleration works only for kids from families characterized by low resources \(incl. time\), neglect, pathology, and/or poor education * 幼兒園加速只適用于來自資源（包括時間）、忽視、病理和/或教育水平低的家庭的孩子 * daycare boost to immunity is a myth * 幼兒園提高免疫力是一個錯誤觀念 * daycare socialization is often [negative](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization#Negative_socialization) * 幼兒園社會化經常是[消極的](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/社會化#%20negative%20ative_社會化) * daycare results in an increase in aggression and other behavioral problems * 幼兒園會導致攻擊性和其他行為問題的增加 * for many kids, daycare begins too early and necessitates forceful waking * 對很多孩子來說，幼兒園開始得太早，需要強行醒來 * for most kids, daycare violates [natural creativity cycle](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Natural_creativity_cycle) * 對大多數孩子來說，幼兒園違反了[自然創造力周期](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Natural_creativity_cycle) * for most kids, esp. young kids, or early in the process, daycare involves significant stress * 對大多數孩子來說，尤其是年幼的孩子，或者在這個過程的早期，幼兒園會帶來很大的壓力 * for small kids, maternal separation is bad for the brain * 對小孩子來說，與母親分離對大腦有害 * kids suffering from chronic daycare stress are likely to experience inferior long-term brain development * 患有慢性幼兒園壓力的兒童可能會經歷較差的長期大腦發育 * [weaning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weaning) should be natural and may take up to 4 years. In particular, it should not be accelerated for the sake of daycare * [斷奶](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/斷奶)應該是自然的，可能需要長達 4 年的時間。尤其是，它不應該因為幼兒園而被提前 * [learned helplessness](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Learned_helplessness) of daycare increases the likelihood of depression in adulthood * 在幼兒園的[習得性無助](https://supermemo.guru/wiki/learned_無助)會增加成年期抑郁的可能性 * daycare often produces a positive feedback loop: slower development, lower immunity, infections, antibiotics, missed days, more stress, more sleep deprivation, etc. * 幼兒園經常產生一個正反饋循環：發育遲緩、免疫力下降、感染、抗生素、缺勤、更大的壓力、更少的睡眠等等。 * potty-training is a waste of time, and can involve unnecessary stress * 如廁訓練是浪費時間，而且可能帶來不必要的壓力 * all forms of physiological and developmental acceleration make sense only if they are child-driven, i.e. natural * 所有形式的生理和發育加速只有在兒童自身驅動下才有意義，即自然